I don't deserve to live - gay short film

...... "I" cheated. I caught HIV. I gave it to my boyfriend. He got sick with full-blown AIDS. I dumped him. I'm healthy & "undetectable" on meds. I hallucinate my ex is killing me. I don't deserve to live. He dies. My new boyfriend is HIV negative. My unresolved guilt causes dangerous mental illness. I start to believe I am my ex & my boyfriend is me. I don't deserve to live.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

We won't be a secret anymore

Image
Our gay love is a secret Paradoxically There are no secrets between us Not supposed to be The more fiercely hidden The more outrageous are The chances we take We've taken some big ones As if we want to get caught We do. Don't we? The bigger the secret The more it seeks exposure At first it hides in the closet Then it hikes the forest Where no one can see us Then it strolls in the park Then lunch at a busy restaurant Holding hands in public Who we are is a secret But our gay love is obvious We may be on the down low I think everybody knows Our love is for the ages There are no secrets between us And one day We won't be a secret  You won't feel shame or guilt After taking all those chances Instead pride & hope will fill your heart We have no secrets between us And some day  We won't be a secret anymore. Theme Song for this Poem "Ready to Take a Chance again" Barry Manilow Foul Play 1978
Read more

Boy did I get laid Columbus Ga

Image
You drove slowly through the old town already dark evening in the fall of 1988. You flashed your lights. I followed to a secluded spot.  I must have looked like a giant standing next to my little Datsun car so you could see me. You emerged from your muscle car. Petite dark & handsome. My type. Quite petite in command of such a big rig. We chatted. I was in the army. You were a local. Both young. I remember not being able to say things out loud. I wanted to but couldn't. Am I looking for company? A nod says yes. My eyes say I want you badly. Yes I will follow you to your apartment.  I hold your arm for a second. Inside, still neither one of us can say out loud what we want. He's waiting for me to make the first move. Now I know I'm the top. Refreshments & small talk. We can't talk sex. We would never ask out loud... Are you gay? What do you like? I knew my role. Beer relaxed my inhibitions. I advanced on you. I kissed you. Hugged & touched & groped. Prolo
Read more