Dude Where's my Hormone Blocker?
I feel like the needle penetrated my skin but nothing entered my body. No soreness, swelling or lump at injection site. On Day 2 injection site can't be located by touch. No difficulty walking this time. No weird feelings or nausea.
It's a story nobody believes. I'm confident it's true because I'm living through it. My brother couldn't believe it. He said to document the incredible experience.
The phantom hormone shot was 03/31 Day 1. My first encounter with new security measures to prevent theft of this medicine. Today is Day 6.
I called my boyfriend. He found it hard to believe also. I promised to present more evidence on Day 8 when we hook up. I'm so grateful I have a lover to share these things with.
After me, he knows my body better than anyone else. Better than the urologist, the oncologist, even my own mom.
I've been on hormone blockers for 3 years for prostate cancer. 3 years of erectile dysfunction. For almost 20 years he's been dating me seriously.
I promised to show him the old me. We both hope I can achieve sustained erections. It only has to last a couple minutes. Being able again to make love properly would be the greatest gift ever. He talks about the old me sometimes. I hope I can live up to changing expectations. Although my penis has shrunk from radiation treatments, in this case it's not the size that matters.
The down side would be that my prostate starts growing. It's an involuntary pause in treatment. I still take a daily pill in addition to the 90-day hormone shot. So I'll see what it's like to go off the testosterone blocker but stay on the prostate pill.
I can feel the hormone blocker wearing off. My testosterone is increasing. I'm more calm. My nipples are not so tender. My muscles are now responding to lifting weights. I've always been able to write poetry but not nearly as prolific as in the last year. I'm losing my inspiration. I prefer nonfiction, a more masculine form of writing, which defines my literary career.
It's a metamorphosis.
If there's a silver lining, it's this. I might regain sustained erections. Just long enough to make love properly to my silent partner. He's the only one I need to prove anything to.
He's been waiting 3 years for this. And so have I.
Comments
Post a Comment